WTF Women's Pants Pockets!??!

These olive green Levi's straight f*cked with my head, man. All I saw was "724 High Rise Straight Crop," with a "28" on the label, and I thought to myself, 'Self, you wear a size 28 jean. You don't own any green ones. Here goes!' And then I got home and tried them on and the sonzabetches couldn't fit my cell phone in the front pocket. WHAAT!!? So I bought myself a pair of women's jeans. I shoulda known when the 28 didn't come with any "x 30" sizing after it. Feck. Anyway, I clearly don't know sh!t about Levi's numbering system. Or women's jeans. Or much at all, really. Buy these so I can get them out of my house while I sulk in the corner. (But did they make my butt look big? I gotta know.)