‘Please Don’t Promise Me Forever’ by Dean Whalley

Imagine It’s 1976 and you’re dating a man named Rick. He has a mustache and owns at least one reindeer sweater. High off of reading The Easter Parade and The Great Santini, he’s all pumped up to write the next great American novel but, to make ends meet, he’s currently working for Hallmark. He’s been really cagey about his latest project, only revealing that this will be the first time Hermann Zapf‘s Crown font is used in a publication. The fact is, things could be better between the two of you; he forgot your birthday… then your anniversary. Then there was that time he bit your head off on the car ride home for making fun of him during a game of Monopoly at a friend’s house. Now, imagine it’s Valentine’s Day and you’re not expecting much – but Rick surprises you. It turns out that book he was working on – it’s all about you! And your relationship! Your eyes well up with tears of joy. Then, as you skim through, they become tears of something else. You discover that the book is full of lines like “Please don’t get mad at me if I forget your birthday or some special day we share.” And “Please don’t expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.” And there’s even a photo depicting couples board game night paired with this “Please don’t… make me look foolish in front of other people.” Hardcover with some minor wear. Hole on one page as shown.