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Contains no preservatives known to science, or the common man. It's been a work in progress since the beginning, continuing to this day, but as of yet, is still yielding delightful results, though no end in sight. *Don't wait! Act (like an idiot) now! I'm practically giving it away. *No warranties expressed or implied, and all things that come to an end, do so endfully. *Fortunately for you, there is no obligation, or explanation, for this limited-time offer. *Supplies are limited, but not the sales copy, while original, is not informative, though it may be entertaining. *Void where prohibited by things that prohibit stuff. *None of the previous jokes are intended to be taken seriously or to cause any kind of harm to body or property.